It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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