new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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