8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
