Tell her she can't have a vagina
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
