i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
