ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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