I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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