I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
