If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
