god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
