So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
