apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
