morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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