after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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