She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
