Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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