Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
