My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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