so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You were trust falling into bushes
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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