I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
