I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
