and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
