it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
