we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
