Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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