Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
