If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
