Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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