I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
