I can text with my tongue
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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