whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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