you mean i was at the winter classic?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
