a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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