it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
