You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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