C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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