Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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