The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
