I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
