We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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