Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
