I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it was like eating out sand paper
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
