well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
