got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
