I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Randomize
