Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
