i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
