I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
