Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
