All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
