dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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