I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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